Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
