I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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