Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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