I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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