Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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