I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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