I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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