I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
