return my video game
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This house was built for laser tag.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
