I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
