K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have feelings that need drinking.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
