He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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