You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize