Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Your dad touched me again.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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