he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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