Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
