so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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