so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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