how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
