It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
