ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm getting married
To pizza
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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