We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
