Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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