Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
