Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
