Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
