haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
