here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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