btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
