I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
