so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
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It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
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But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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