I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
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No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize