i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
