You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
