Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
