someone get that fucking seahorse.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
