He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize