just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
