what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
