Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm like, not good at living.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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