She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
