your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
