I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
