im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
