At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
