I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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