I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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