we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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