How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
