Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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