Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
