I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
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$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
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Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dicks are not precious.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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