It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
