i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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