My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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