2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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