no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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