did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
