I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
